09/25/2012 11:57 am ET

The Onion's Guide To Barack Obama (VIDEO)

Happy National Voter Registration Day, everyone! If you're part of the 7% of voters who have absolutely no clue which candidate would make a better president, The Onion has produced some essential watching: an exclusive Voter's Guide to Barack Obama, from a news source you can trust.

The video introduces plenty of important information that voters will need to know before stepping into the ballot box. For instance, did you know that Barack Obama has never personally experienced hope? And that he's the father of two daughters, Donna and Brenda? And that he's actually been the president since 2008?

If any of these came as a surprise to you, well, how about you pay attention to the news for once in your life? But it's okay, because America's Finest News Source is here to help. Check out the video above and see if you don't immediately feel like showing off to all your politically uninformed friends.