According to the New York Times, Mitt Romney is preparing "a series of zingers" in preparation for Wednesday's debate. Considering that Romney's, er, unique sense of humor on display throughout the campaign season hasn't exactly left us rolling, many have questioned the wisdom of trotting it out at such a highly pivotal moment. But Mitt's gonna do what Mitt's gonna do, so here are some quips we expect (and pray) to hear.
- "I hope that Americans will change their president in November! If I could just explain my previous line for a second, Barack Obama’s 2008 campaign frequently invoked the concepts of 'hope' and 'change' to great effect."
- “Is it hot in here, or is it the non-human influenced climate change?”
- “Have you seen the Obama economic plan? And I thought 'Wild Hogs' was funny!”
- “Unlike our current leader, when it comes to foreign policy, I’m not going to risk American lives Iran-ing out the details. [Laughter] Folks, I’m Syrias.”
- “Barack Obama claims his views on gay marriage ‘evolved.’ Ha! Evolution.”
- “I hope this isn’t being recorded! Just kidding, I’m acutely aware we’re currently being broadcast on television. It would be quite silly if we were not, as we're having an influential presidential debate. I’m pretty self deprecating.”
- “With me, you get experience at Bain Capital. With him, you get experience with blame capital...ism.”
- “I am rubber and you are glue, Mr. President. In that your poll numbers have stayed consistent and I would never kill a horse.”
- "By the way, what you just heard was a 'zinger.' It was a humorous statement meant to undercut the President's likeability in the eyes of the electorate. It was very, very clever."
- “Knock knock. Who’s there? The economy. Economy who, you ask? Well, we really should be paying attention to the economy. It’s an important election issue.”
- “Look, if you think the bailouts worked, I have a car company in Detroit I’d like to sell you. ...Wait, what?”
- “This is off topic, but Rick Perry never gave me that $10,000.”
- “Mr. Obama, or should I say, Nobama. -- Let me elaborate, by saying 'Nobama,' I was making a humorous spin on his last name, which is in fact 'Obama.' By adding the 'No' in front, the implication is that I disagree with his policy stances. I like to use humor in speech and I know people who also enjoy such humor on occasion in the appropriate environments.”
- "He was the first black president, and that's great. But I'm going to be the first 'America's economy is in the black' president."
- “I’ll work tirelessly to return America from snobby elites, or my name isn’t
W. Mitt Romney.”
- “Hey, at least my droning doesn’t kill innocent civilian families!”
- “If I wanted you to twist my words, Mr. President, I would write another universal health care bill.”
- “Four years of meandering, confusing, underwhelming nonsense. Is this the Obama administration, or 'Ishtar'? Right, people? Movies.”