10/02/2012 03:12 pm ET

Joe Biden Will Save Medicare With His Raw, Sexual Dynamism, Apparently

This week, most of America is focused on the upcoming commencement of debate season, the prospect for greater economic policy specifics and the Obama administration's response to the attacks in Benghazi. But can you spare a few thoughts to consider the extent to which Vice President Joe Biden is a lean, mean symbol of raw sexuality? I'm asking because Politico forced me to consider this today, for some reason.

As Jonathan Allen relates, following Biden on the stump is like watching a Caucasian, septuagenarian version of Usher make love in this club:

He’s kissed women on the lips -- and the cheek. He pulled a biker chick so close to him at one pit stop that she appeared to be sitting in his lap in photos. And he's talked about the acrobatic acts of cheerleaders in terms that would draw at least a PG-13 rating in Hollywood.

It's worth noting that everything short of found-footage torture porn perpetrated by Japanese horror-movie demons basically draws a PG-13 rating in Hollywood, but point made: Joe Biden is 2012's version of Casanova, only he really likes trains. And there's one particular subset of the electorate that Biden is consistently leaving breathless: ladies who depend on Medicare to relieve their respiratory distress. According to Allen, "Women born before the Baby Boom generation seem to have a collective crush on a handsome vice presidential candidate with piercing blue eyes and a wide smile who likes to talk about government benefits for seniors."

Allen continues, "In a Gallup poll taken in August, Romney led Obama 48 percent to 43 percent among women 65 and older but trailed among three other age groups -- 18 to 29, 30 to 49 and 50 to 64." So Biden has been deployed to speak to, and perhaps shore up, this outlier demographic because he is "the same age as some of the seniors who worry about Republicans' talk of cutting back on entitlement programs like Medicare and Social Security."

And if Paul Ryan doesn't have the time to "explain the math," Biden can counter that by making time, with flirty remarks and, who knows, maybe there's a footrub or two in there? A little chaste canoodling?

Joe Biden balls so hard with the senior set, is what I'm saying.

As Allen reports, "The Obama campaign declined to comment for this story." That is certainly disappointing!

Joe Biden: Sex symbol? [Politico]

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