10/11/2012 10:32 am ET

Text Messages You Would Love To Receive From Your Ex

The Initial Correspondence

Your ex: I’m miserable without you.

You: What? Is this a hallucination?

Your ex: I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m dating someone new but I hate them. They’re like a D-list version of you.

You: How dare you try to stuff me with compliments after what you did to me! Now please text me tomorrow with positive affirmations about myself. Goodnight!

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