10/25/2012 08:24 am ET

'Grey's Anatomy': Callie And Arizona's Relationship Repair Is 'Not Gonna Be Easy,' Sara Ramirez Says

One of the fan-favorite couples on "Grey's Anatomy" (Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET on ABC) is in a very bad place, post-plane crash, and it might not be getting better anytime soon.

HuffPost TV caught up with one of the show's stars Sara Ramirez on set, and she was very forthcoming about the continuing struggles for her character Callie Torres and her wife Arizona Robbins, played by Jessica Capshaw.

Calzona fans breathed a collective sigh of relief last week when Callie finally showed Arizona that she wasn't the only one hurt by the crash that left her an amputee (at Callie's orders, no less). Their scene in the shower, with Callie screaming "This is my life now, too," was one of the more emotional moments of a very tumultuous season so far, and there was hope that they could start to try to move forward and repair the relationship.

Ramirez admits that playing that tension was "pretty painful," but says they're still far from a happily ever after. Keep reading for more about the things that have been said that can't be taken back and Ramirez's take on whether or not these two should've gotten married in the first place. Plus, more on Arizona's path to recovery, and whether or not it will even include Callie.

That moment in the shower with Callie and Arizona last week needed to happen.
Yeah it did. It's a big deal, and it's something that you can't ignore.

But that couldn't have fixed everything, right?
I don't think so.

No one can stay happy for too long on "Grey's." Are they the new problem couple of the show?
I don't know! I honestly don't know. I'm just starting to see what a lot of dysfunctional couples do when they are trying to accept a problem without really working through it. There's a lot of brushing things under a rug and putting on a happy face. I see a lot of band-aids, but I don't know if these two are really going to talk about what really needs to be talked about. A lot has happened -- they've been through a lot. Arizona was there for Callie when Callie was in a coma, so I don't know that Callie's going anywhere anytime soon. I think she feels like she's gonna stick with this and be there for her wife.

But that's a very scary reality, because it's not enough now just to be there for her. Arizona needs to be taken care of, at least until she's in a better place, which makes it Callie's problem now too, right?
It is and it's not. At least from what I've seen and read, Arizona's very much about figuring this out by herself. And when someone wants to get through something like this on their own, without their partner's help, there's not a lot of space for their partner to play a part in that. So Callie is busying herself with Sophia and busying herself helping other people at the hospital because they're actually needing her, and are open to needing her help.

Her situation at home ... it's not something that she knows a lot about. She doesn't know how to support and nurture an amputee, especially one that doesn't want her help.

She's always had those problems in her relationships! She couldn't figure out how to be a wife for George, and now she can't break through Arizona's walls to be there for her. She's so good at her job, but her personal life is looking messy. Again.
Well, if we're gonna talk about George ... [Laughs.] I think she's picking the wrong people. I don't think it's really Callie's fault necessarily, but you know, the responsibility lies when you pick someone, you're stuck with them to some degree. The difference here is Arizona was there for her during a very difficult time, and not only helped save her life, but saved their baby's life. And that's a big deal. George never did anything like that for Callie. In fact, he cheated on her. This is such a different relationship for so many reasons, and it's further down the line in the character's evolution. So we're catching her at a different time in her life with someone new who is going through an extremely difficult process. What I'm seeing is a partner who doesn't want help from anybody other than someone who specializes in that kind of help.

As a fan, I just kept hoping that Arizona would snap out of it after that shower scene and realize they needed to start moving forward again.
No, that's not gonna be easy. And I think even if you see things on the surface, I don't know that it speaks to what's really healing on the inside. It's going to really depend on how much the writers want these characters to really evolve or how much they want them to stay stuck in their usual patterns, leading to a dysfunctional relationship.

It's hard for people to change, but if anything is going to force people to either evolve or regress, it's something like that plane crash, which basically affected everyone we've ever known on this show.
In order for a relationship to really evolve, and for people to evolve in a relationship, they have to be willing to tell the truth, and they have to be willing to have that kind of difficult conversation. And I think these two ladies are both sort of skirting around the issues, so much so that I don't know that the truth ever gets spoken. And if that doesn't happen, then anything you see moving forward doesn't seem like it's genuinely dealing with the problem. It's all just covering up the problem, trying desperately to move on, trying to pretend like everything's OK or going to get better.

But you also have to consider -- at least I do because I had to play it [laughs] -- but when really horrible things are said that can't get taken back ever, you have to wonder, as a partner, if your person really meant that or not. Arizona said some pretty horrible things that she has not taken back. Is that the truth? Because if that's the truth, that's not a good thing ... that's not a good sign. So I keep wondering are the writers going to write Callie as a character who just glosses over the truth and pretends she didn't hear it and moves forward like everything's fine? Or is this going to come to a head at some point where these two women can no longer keep putting up a facade of something that's working if it's not? I'm very, very curious.

I'd like to think, or at least hope, that Callie can continue to take the bull by the horns and get them back on track.
I think because Callie almost lost her own life ... there's something about facing your own mortality that makes you not want to waste any more time on petty things. Or even big things. I think when you've almost lost your own life, you don't really have time to put up with things that don't feel right, that don't feel good. So I'm wondering how long Callie is going to keep pushing forward, and pushing down whatever doesn't feel good, and pushing through it. I'm wondering when that's going to blow up in her face, because it has to. I'm sorry -- nobody's that understanding and forgiving, over and over again.

It's not an exaggeration to say that those scenes with Arizona have been heartbreaking. You never want to treat anyone like that -- but especially your wife!
Yeah, it was pretty painful. And then to expect it to be OK! That's where, if you're willing to be that harsh, you have to be willing to accept the repercussions. But when you're angry and in pain, you often times say a lot of things that you don't mean. We're just not sure what Arizona meant and what she didn't mean. If there was any truth to the things that she's been saying to Callie and all the anger that's coming through, then maybe there's some things that they need to talk about that have nothing to do with the plane crash and that have nothing to do with Callie's coma ... that, in fact, have to do more with some things they should've talked about before they even got married. Then they would've been really sure that they were right for each other.

I tend to want to go back and kind of pull it apart from the beginning. Did everybody tell the truth? Was everybody being true to themselves when they committed to this relationship? Or did anybody lie to themselves in order not to be alone? Because a lot of people do that in life -- they're too scared to be alone.

Want more on "Grey's"?

Watch our exclusive sneak peek of "I Saw Her Standing There" (Oct. 25),

and hear more about another Seattle Grace couple, Jackson and April.

"Grey's Anatomy" airs Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET on ABC.