10/26/2012 11:04 am ET

In Defense Of Sexy Halloween Costumes

...titty out like what, I don’t give a f*$#k!...

Those words are some of Lil’ Kim's most famous lyrics — and, you may remember, the theme of the skimpy breast-exposing (but nipple-concealing) ensemble she wore to the ’99 Video Music Awards. That profound line also inspired my Halloween costume in 2008, which, I contend, was the best costume ever. I naturally have a few physical characteristics in common with Kim — stature, ethnicity, confidence, vulgar jargon, etc. — but that's not why the costume was as amazing as it was. I know on Halloween that I'm not only amusing myself but also everyone else who hits the town hoping to be amused by people like me. I know I have to be cheeky in more ways than one. So I reconstructed over a period of weeks, the best replica of the costume I possibly could with this in mind, and hit the town with an attitude to match.

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