11/02/2012 12:53 pm ET Updated Nov 02, 2012

Barack Obama's Columbia GPA Ferreted Out By The Daily Caller Via Random Guy From The Interwebs

Go ahead and give Mitt Romney all of your unskewed Electoral College votes, folks, because The Daily Caller has done changed the game with their recent report that President Barack Obama earned a mediocre grade point average at Columbia University, according to some random anonymous guy that they met on Chatroulette, or something.

According to the Daily Caller's source, who we are assured is a "wealthy donor" to Columbia (thus ruling out all of Columbia's poverty-stricken donors), Obama's GPA was scandalously middling, probably:

In 2004, after Obama’s successful speech at that year’s Democratic convention, a Columbia University official told him Barack Obama's GPA, he explained to TheDC.

"This person told me that he [Obama] was a pre-law, poli-sci major, had a lot of incompletes, and as best could be determined after sorting through the incompletes, had a GPA of 2.6," said the businessman, a former Marine Corps combat veteran.

Cool story, guys. I say we just confirm this sucker, assure readers that there isn't any contradictory evidence, find a way to make a larger point about Obama's stay at Columbia and we can wrap this up with a bow.

They add that "The 2.6 grade can’t be confirmed, is contradicted by some evidence, and it doesn't say anything about the courses, professors and associations Obama was immersed in during his two-year stay in Columbia."

Ah well, you know the whole nature of journalism is different now that we're all huffing spray paint, I guess.

At any rate, the jury is still out as to whether this is going to reshape the presidential campaign in its last 96 hours. Clearly, there is much more to learn about this Barack Obama fellow than can be gleaned from his policy preferences, speeches, debate responses, campaign website, widely available plans, interviews and the many books that have been written about the things that happened during his first term.

So if you are a random person who has heard something -- anything, no matter how unbelievable or made-up sounding -- about Barack Obama, just email me and I'll report it while protecting your anonymity. Right off the bat, I need someone to confirm the rumor that the honorary degree that Obama received from the University of Michigan was printed on rolling papers. (Just send me an email with the subject line, "The Honorary Degree That Obama Received From The University Of Michigan Was Totally Printed On Rolling Papers," that reads, "I can confirm this, but I can't say anything more. I'm in too deep!")

Time is running out! In fact, it's running out so fast that I hear Barack Obama is going to cancel the daylight savings time adjustment scheduled for this weekend by executive order just so all of you don't have that extra hour to send me your weird emails. So hurry!

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