11/05/2012 01:36 pm ET Updated Nov 05, 2012

San Francisco Election Guide For What Really Matters: Getting Wasted (PHOTOS)

Ah, election night. That magical evening when America gets to participate in and then either celebrate or complain about the democratic process.

Out in our beloved, godless, socialist utopia of San Francisco, everyone surely remembers the scene after Obama's victory four years ago. Spontaneous street parties, complete strangers embracing each other, breathless conversations about how much more often we were going to hear about Joe Biden.


While we're sure everyone is just as excited as we are about the California ballot measure altering the taxation structure for multi-state businesses, it's likely that, no matter what happens, we won't see the same level of enthusiasm as in 2008.

Nevertheless, that's no reason not to take to the streets and celebrate/commiserate by drinking liberally or conservatively or libertarianily or whatever. In light of last week's post-World Series destructive insanity, please try to keep the property damage to a minimum.

To help with this, we've put together a drinking game that you can play as you're wandering around the city on Tuesday night all hopped up on democracy and/or crystal meth.

Take one drink every time you see:

A dude dressed as Barack Obama making out with a dude dressed as Mitt Romney.

Joe Biden walking into The Power Exchange.

Joe Biden attempting to talk someone into going to The Power Exchange with him. Take two drinks if you hear him use the phrase, "I promise it won't be weird."

Any bar offering a free drink if you show an "I voted" sticker.

Someone defacing all the signs on Bush Street out of force of habit.

A Muni bus on fire. Actually, in that case, call the cops.

Chants of "USA!" (If Obama wins)

Ironic chants of "USA!" (If Romney wins)

Your water shutting off because Hetch Hetchy was preemptively drained.

Willie Brown in front of a news camera claiming he single-handedly delivered San Francisco's votes to Obama.

Someone freaking out over GMOs.

Someone who was going to vote for the GMO labeling ballot measure, but then saw one too many advertisements with someone freaking out over GMOs and voted no out of spite.

Your new district five supervisor: Rose Pak. (Did you really think Christina Olauge was going to get away with her Mirkarimi vote?).

Someone threatening to move to Canada because their presidential candidate lost.

Someone threatening to move to Mexico not because of the election, but because they heard that Mexico City's Condesa district is the new Hayes Valley.

Ed Lee ripping off his fake mustache and exclaiming, "Now that my tax measure passed and I don't have to look like an accountant all the time, I can finally take this disgusting thing off." Take a second drink if he then beer bongs a Four Loko.

Still bored? Take a look at SF's best election watching parties below:



San Francisco Election Night Parties