11/05/2012 12:11 pm ET

Who Not To Date

A few months ago, I got very concerned that the entire genre of situational comedy had lied to me, that no one had been on an actual date since 1992, and that I probably should have just accepted cousin Matthew’s proposal instead of holding out for someone with better prospects. Okay, that last one might not have happened to me. But being surrounded by people who were either chronically single or had married young made me very concerned that I had been incorrectly led to believe that dating was a thing. Shows like Sex and the City gave me the impression that sometimes, people went on “dates” in order to get to know other people before committing to a relationship with that person, and it turns out, this sometimes actually happens. Dating is alive and well, but finding the attractive and steadily employed men that the ladies of SATC seemed to always date is more challenging. Dating isn’t a fun and exciting Carrie Bradshaw-esque boy buffet, but rather a Liz Lemon-y comedy of errors. (It is worth noting that even Liz Lemon, usually mocked as a failure with men, has dated my secret boyfriend Jason Sudeikis, as well as Jon Hamm, Matt Damon, and James Marsden. Liz is doing okay for herself.)

Yep, it turns out dating is a made for TV situation, where the misadventures can be exploited for laughs. In real life, it’s more of a “you must laugh to keep from crying” situation. As evidence, I shall present you with the gems I have gone on dates with over the past few months:

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