11/13/2012 04:17 pm ET

Elmo's Childhood-Ruining Does Not End With Kevin Clash, Anti-Semitic Rants (LIST)

Elmo, what have you done? Somehow, the last week has seen Elmo morph from a cuddly monster to a regular monster. Between the accusations that his puppeteer had an inappropriate relationship with a minor and the resurfacing of the infamous (and unauthorized) anti-Semitic Elmo, we're worried that even more allegations about Elmo's behavior will surface and sully the name of our former favorite Muppet.

Here are a few more Elmo bombshells we assume are on the way.

  • Will be touring with a Left-Eye hologram
  • Doesn't think the '90s were cool
  • Told your crush you like-like him
  • Loves veal
  • Fiscally liberal, socially conservative
  • Acquired Lucasfilm
  • Hooks up with his friends' exes
  • Made Romney seek his endorsement
  • Got really fat
  • Visited Bernie Madoff in jail
  • Had an affair with David Petreaus
  • Loves "Sex & the City 2"
  • Keeps sending Farmville requests
  • Has an animated GIF Twitter avatar
  • Buys blood diamonds
  • Regularly eats at Chick-fil-A
  • Briefly dated Lindsay Lohan
  • Drinks non-fair trade coffee
  • Tells friends he's thinking about making a viral video
  • Still quoting "Anchorman"
  • Drives a Hummer
  • Frequents Reddit's Men's Rights section
  • Undertips
  • Dumped Taylor Swift
  • Buy puppies from Petco
  • Spams strangers offering to help them create a more dynamic social media presence
  • Films stand-up comedy sets on his iPhone to post on YouTube
  • Big Chris Brown fan
  • Keeps unironically RTing @RealDonaldTrump


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