12/06/2012 03:05 pm ET

I'm Shocked That My Daughter Isn't The Perfect Angel I Thought She Was

I was shocked to find out my daughter is not an angel. I know. I know. You’re probably thinking, “Of course she’s not perfect! What kind of mother are you to think that you’re daughter is perfect?” Well, I knew she wasn’t perfect, but I always thought she was the kindest, sweetest girl ever and, well, yes, aside from her morning breath, I did think she was pretty damn near perfect. I thought she was a good girl, meaning she never argues with me, she always listens to me, she did well in school, and we have never fought.

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