12/12/2012 11:11 am ET

If I Dated Ryan Gosling

I know everyone says this, but I saw Ryan Gosling first. Little-known fact about Nico Lang: Ryan Gosling was the first same-gender crush of tiny, photo-bisexual Nico — back in his days of tights and luminous Nick Carter hair on "Young Hercules." I loved the Gos when he was a Mickey Mouse Club member and his body was not yet ripped enough to support such a long head, and it looked like a pencil eraser up there. I’ve followed him through his brief appearances in "Flash Forward" (with fellow future hottie Ben Foster), "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" and "Remember the Titans." I stuck by him through playing neo-Nazis, serial killers and dating Sandra Bullock, which I imagine is like being murdered. However, he’s nice about it, just like he’s nice about all of his exes. He refers to himself as the luckiest guy in the world for getting to date such gorgeous women and thanks them for everything he taught them. Because he is a love unicorn.

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