Em & Lo | EMandLO.com
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Aggressive or pushy action will push back at you this week, so take the quiet approach and let any potential candidate for love come to you. Make them do the work!
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
You are cruisin’ for a bruisin’ of your heart (and other organs) if you don’t ease up on the quick and casual, purely physical trysts. Lust is a beautiful thing, but there’s something to be said for having a partner who has something between their ears.
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)
Make your move — you won’t be sorry. (And if you are sorry, don’t come crying to us; we’ve got very good lawyers and we haven’t lost a case yet.)
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
If the art of seduction is like a fine wine, then you’ve been drinking too much Strawberry Boone’s. You’re about as subtle as a blonde joke. Watch how your friends do it: Trust us, they’re better at this game than you are.
leo (July 23rd-Aug. 22nd)
This week, it’s like you’ve got a flashing red neon sign around your neck that reads “I love you” or at least “I’ll sleep with you” — whichever is more of a sexual turn-on to those whose heads you're turning. Brace yourself for the action that’s coming your way, cause it won’t all be good: Imagine a defensive lineman from the Chicago Bears in full gear running your way at full speed with a bouquet of roses. It’s okay with us if you choose to run.
virgo (Aug. 23rd-Sept. 22nd)
When you’ve got a lot of hotties tugging on your pants and none are asking the annoying questions like ” Wanna go steady?” or “Where is this relationship going?”, it makes juggling seem like a viable option. But there is such a thing as too many balls in one person’s life. Pull your pants up and force yourself to ask an annoying question of at least some of your tuggers: “Why don’t we just be friends?”
libra (Sept. 23rd-Oct. 23rd)
Your spirit is a wild bird, and it cannot be tamed! It soars high over potential mates. Some will flap their wings and try to touch the sky with you. But only a special few will be able to catch up. Those are the kindred ones, and they’re the keepers. If we’re still making sense to you, then you’ve been reading these horoscopes far too religiously for far too long.
scorpio (Oct. 24th-Nov. 22nd)
The stars are always down on secret affairs. Just once we’d like them to say, “Hey, Scorp, this week is perfect for lying and cheating.” But it's not ever going to happen. Because no matter how much pull they have with the tides, they can’t make illicit affairs morally conscionable. Damn them!
sagittarius (Nov. 23rd-Dec. 21st)
This week, embrace your inner sensualist and set the scene. Don’t worry about being labelled a soft jazz hippie; if you light a scented candle and break out the essential oils for a quiet night in with your partner, it’s like a tree falling down in a forest — no one will know. If, however, you put Yanni on the stereo, it is nothing like a tree falling down in a forest: Your neighbors will hear it. Actually, people can tell you like that stuff just by looking at you.
capricorn (Dec. 22nd-Jan. 20th)
It’s your birthday, and guess what? The stars insist that you play the field this week. Apparently your head and your heart are going in different directions, or something like that. What do you care, though? You’re too busy getting busy to notice.
aquarius (Jan. 21st-Feb. 18th)
Whoa, Nellie. You’ve been wooing with the tenacity of a paparazzi photographer of late. Hang back a little, play it cool — that hottie is not quite ready for their close-up with you yet.
pisces (Feb. 19th-Mar. 20th)
If you've got sex on the brain but can't get your body off the couch, chances are the only person you’re going to be seducing is your teddy bear. If you’re looking for a more, um, interactive experience, you’re going to have to get out of the house every once in a while. That said, if your seduction skills are a little rusty, practicing on your teddy bear is not the worst idea in the world. If you do any more than talk, though, we don’t want to know about it.
A version of this article originally appeared on EMandLO.com.
More from Em & Lo:
- How Long Can a Virgin Make a Guy Wait?
- Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?
- How to Buy a Sex Toy (With No Buyer’s Remorse)
Em & Lo like to consider themselves the Emily Posts of the modern bedroom. They have co-authored six books on the topics of sex and love: Sex: How to Do Everything, three A-Z guides, Buh Bye, Rec Sex and Sex Toy, the sex manual The Big Bang: Nerve’s Guide to the New Sexual Universe, and the handbook Sex Etiquette for Ladies and Gentlemen. They have contributed to numerous magazines including Glamour, Details, Allure, Marie Claire, and GQ, and wrote columns for New York magazine and The Guardian in the U.K. They currently post daily on their own blog, EMandLO.com, as well as on SUNfiltered, the Sundance Channel blog. You can follow them on Twitter at #EMandLO.