12/28/2012 10:10 am ET

It's What's Inside That Counts, Unless You're Really Pretty

“It’s cool,” I try to tell myself. “I’m sure Melissa McCarthy wanted to hold a giant box in front of her at just the right angle so 40% of her body is covered. Good Housekeeping isn’t Maxim, after all: it’s only appropriate that her chest be completely covered and de-sexualized. And I’m sure that Jennifer Lawrence requested ELLE make her look as little like herself as possible. Anyway, it’s the holidays and complaining about stuff like this is at least 40% of why people don’t like me, so I’m going to just let it go.”

And so, with those understandings, I earnestly tried to move on towards the cashier…after obsessively comparing both covers’ headlines:

Jennifer Lawrence: Hunger Games Bombshell
Melissa McCarthy: “It’s What’s Inside That Counts!”

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