01/09/2013 10:30 am ET

9 Sex Lessons From 'Downton Abbey'

I knew “Downton Abbey” was more than a period soap opera the moment we discovered Thomas was having an affair with the Duke of Crowborough. Scandalous! Of course, it all fell apart when Thomas tried to blackmail the Duke with their love letters. Bad move, Thomas. “Downton Abbey” may take place in the early 1900′s, but the Lords, Ladies and their staff have a lot to teach us about amorous matters. Indeed they do. In honor of tonight’s season three premiere of “Downton Abbey,” here are nine sex lessons we’ve learned from both those upstairs and those downstairs…

1. You can’t blackmail him back into your arms. If you’re a footman and you’ve had a homosexual affair with a Duke, he will most definitely deny it. Don’t even try to blackmail him with love letters he wrote you. Put them away for a lonely evening. Blackmail has never won anyone back. It tends to backfire on spurned lovers and it makes you look crazy. No one wants to be with the crazy person trying to sell a story to the tabloids to get back at your ex. Take note, Vera Bates, time to move on. Your attempts at blackmail have been all for naught. You have Mr. Bates’ money, now let him have Anna.

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