01/15/2013 11:48 am ET Updated Jan 15, 2013

Bill Clinton Is Probably Just Watching Taxpayer-Funded Softcore All Day, According To Daily Caller

Being the president of the United States of America is a pretty sweet gig. Heck, just running for president can be pretty lucrative. You don't see Alan Keyes struggling, do you? That's because somebody somewhere even wants to pay a few thousand dollars to hear Alan Keyes give speeches, for some reason.

But let's face it, folks, once you become president, you become as close as any American can come to being an aristocrat (besides the actual aristocrats). During the 2012 campaign, the nation's massive unemployment crisis was characterized by the media as something that only really affected President Barack Obama and his reelection hopes. But the irony, of course, was that Obama was always going to be fine. Had he been stomped by Mitt Romney in a 50-state landslide, his consolation prize would have been being set for life, financially. If only we all could lose reelection to Mitt Romney!

Naturally, many of your post-presidential ducats come by virtue of being a celebrity, and the lion's share of the rest represents the back-end on all the corporate favor-trading you did while in office. But taxpayers chip in a chunk of change as well, and over at the Daily Caller, they have pored through the details of how the four ex-presidents are splitting up the $3.7 million in taxpayer money they received in 2011 via the Former President's Act. In lieu of a detailed report, however, we get a mini-obsession with the cable teevee packages that Bill Clinton has set up in his office:

[Bill] Clinton also used the funds to wire at least 10 televisions in his offices to a premium suite of content from DirecTV, according to a February 2011 statement. That year, taxpayers spent $184.26 a month for Clinton’s DVR service, 145 "Office Choice" channels and 32 high-definition "Entertainment Unlimited" channels.

Well, look: it's ridiculous that taxpayers are paying for that perk. Or perhaps any perk. But seriously: Bill Clinton signs the Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000 into law and there's not a single financial sector lobbyist who is willing to pick up the tab for premium cable? Wall Streeters be some cheap people, yo.

Of course, what the Daily Caller wants to impress upon you is that Clinton is basically using this taxpayer-funded cable subscription to wax the dolphin:

That entertainment package, according to DirecTV's website, includes premium channels like Cinemax, HBO and Showtime. Cinemax, for example, plays hit movies like "Aliens" and "50 First Dates," according to a recent listing.

Late at night, the premium channel earns its "Skinemax" nickname with a turn toward adult programming, offering shows titles like "Busty Coeds Vs. Lusty Cheerleaders," "Sex Games Cancun 01: Last Temptation of Hank" and “Hotel Erotica Feature 05: Bedroom Fantasies 2."

Wait -- "50 First Dates" is a "hit movie"?

Anyway, this report suggests that Clinton's Cinemax subscription is "just one eyebrow-raising expense a former occupant of the White House has been allowed to put on the taxpayer tab every year," but the only other thing that's mentioned in the piece are some bog-standard New York Times subscriptions, so I guess the Daily Caller is saving the really blockbuster stuff for a later report or for when they need to get their eyebrows checked.

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Two-Term Presidents