Dear Internet, are you sitting down? We have something to tell you that you will not like, but it's best that you heard it from us.
Ready? Here goes.
Jon Stewart hates cats.
In fact, the only thing he hates more than cats is how much you love cats.
In a segment on last night's "Daily Show," Stewart made this striking admission when reporting on the fact that web and social media users voted to introduce a cat game piece to Monopoly. "Damn you, Internet, and your insatiable love of cats!" Stewart bellowed, displaying a vitriolic tone he normally reserves for bankers and Chris Wallace.
He tied in other changes to traditional America, such as the ending of Saturday USPS delivery and gays in the Boy Scouts, but we weren't really paying attention after hearing his vicious screed against cuddly kittens.
So it's come to this, Internet: Whose side are you on?