Louis C.K. talks a lot. It's his job. The guy's been doing stand-up for nearly 30 years now, which means that over the years, he's shared his thoughts on every subject imaginable. That's why we combed through C.K.'s stand-up specials, TV show, interviews, talk show appearances, and Reddit AMAs to compile this list of over 70 of his wisest and funniest quotes, arranged by topic. From capitalism to farts, politics to masturbation, we've got Louis C.K.'s thoughts on a wide range of topics, all at your fingertips. Enjoy!