Hello, average American. If you're anything like me, and why wouldn't you be, then you worry constantly about money.
Fortunately for us, eFinancialCareers on Thursday offered some common-sense money-saving tips, straight from the best people in the world at managing money: Bankers. Male bankers to be precise -- and their wives.
After all, who more than bankers has suffered the horrors of the financial crisis, which was caused by poor people and in no way by bankers? Smaller bonuses. Jobs at medium-sized hedge funds instead of large investment banks. When the world has dealt you such blows, you had better quickly learn to save a sawbuck or two. And now these bankers are generously sharing their hard-won knowledge with us.
There are 20 such useful tips in all, including "Sell Your Second Home" and "Cook Your Own Food." You really owe it to yourself to read each and every one. But here are just a few, to get you started quickly on the road to savings:
For example, did you realize that by reducing the amount of time you spend skiing in a year, or perhaps abandoning the slopes altogether, you can save thousands of dollars? It is true.
Like most of us, you probably think that clothing does not cost any money. I mean, aren't apparel stores just charities that keep people properly clothed, reducing the incidence of sickening fashion mistakes? Sorry to break it to you, but that Hermes scarf or pair of shoes you pick up occasionally actually does cost you some amount of money. Stop buying those things for a while, and watch the savings pile up.
And instead of letting your wife lay around all day doing nothing, how about put her to work ironing some of the shirts you have already purchased? It keeps her idle hands from devilry and saves you a few hundred bucks on dry cleaning.
Speaking of layabout family members, your children can pitch in, too. Rather than paying for all of his college tuition, for example, you can send Biff to apply for what is known as a "student loan."
And for the love of God, man, must you constantly walk around with a wad of cash in your breeches pocket the size of a longshoreman's forearm? Cut your bankroll down to the size of a baby's forearm, one former Goldman Sachs banker suggests, and you'll be less tempted to impress the coat-check girl with a big gratuity.
And then you should thank eFinancialCareers for this service, the second in what we hope will be a long series of banker advice from this news outlet. The first offered tips on how to break the news of a shrinking bonus to your lady.
We recommend you follow those tips first, before telling her to iron your shirts.