03/27/2013 01:06 pm ET

'Spring Breakers': A Great PSA For How Boring Debauchery Really Is

I so wanted a dirty thrill from "Spring Breakers," watching Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens cavorting around in a sparkly cesspool of cocaine, guns and cash on the sun-dappled beaches of Miami with a leering, ruthless, Britney Spears-singing, gold-grilled James Franco.

Instead, I was reminded of how dull and embarrassing and repetitive debauchery really is.

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