05/01/2013 06:11 pm ET Updated Jul 01, 2013

HUFFPOST HILL - Ted Cruz Will Fight For Youz

Ted Cruz has a super hostile relationship with Congress, so naturally he'd be a perfect president. Today is May Day or, as it's known in right-to-work states, "May Day -- BUT ONLY IN THE TRADITIONAL PAGAN SENSE, NOW GET BACK TO WORK ON THAT TOYOTA!!!" And D.C. cabs will soon resemble the Circulator, and not just because they both mostly serve white people. This is HUFFPOST HILL for Wednesday, May 1st, 2013:

BACHMANN INVESTIGATION GETTING REAL - Maybe Marcus can rejigger his therapy practice from praying the gay away to praying the state investigators away. Luke Johnson: "The Iowa Senate Ethics Committee voted 4-2 Wednesday to ask the Iowa chief justice to name a special investigator to look into alleged payments to Iowa state Sen. Kent Sorenson (R-Milo) related to the 2012 presidential campaign of Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.). Sorenson, who served at one point as Bachmann's Iowa campaign chairman, is accused of violating ethics rules that prohibit Iowa state senators from accepting employment, directly or indirectly, from a political action committee. In a complaint to the Federal Election Commission, Bachmann's former national field coordinator, Peter Waldron, has alleged that MichelePAC, along with her presidential campaign, funneled money to the fundraising group C&M Strategies to pay Sorenson a salary of $7,500 per month...The Iowa ethics investigation will not likely produce results anytime soon. Sen. Wally Horn (D-Cedar Rapids), chairman of the Ethics Committee, said it would be months before a report came back to the committee." [HuffPost]

DATA UNDER ATTACK BY GOP... SOMEHOW - Having successfully triumphed over reason and, more recently knowledge, Republicans in Congress are keeping up the charge against all forms of human understanding. Mike McAuliff: "A group of Republicans are cooking up legislation that could give President Barack Obama an unintentional assist with disagreeable unemployment numbers -- by eliminating the key economic statistic altogether. The bill, introduced last week by Rep. Jeff Duncan (R-S.C.), would bar the U.S. Census Bureau from conducting nearly all surveys except for a decennial population count. Such a step that would end the government's ability to provide reliable estimates of the employment rate. Indeed, the government would not be able to produce any of the major economic indices that move markets every month, said multiple statistics experts, who were aghast at the proposal....There is very little done by the government or big businesses that does not at some level depend on the reams of information provided by the Census surveys, from writing regulations and distributing federal services to rolling out new products and finding customers. The ACS is an ongoing survey that collects data every month, instead of every 10 years, so that governments and businesses have current information." [HuffPost]

Howard Kurtz is a dummy.

DAILY DELANEY DOWNER - With Emily Swanson: "Dawn Andrade of North Highlands, Calif. worked as a customer service administrator for an IT company for most of her adult life before getting laid off five years ago. Since then she's had a succession of jobs, each paying less than the one before. Right now, she's earning $8.75 an hour in a call center, helping people with the debit cards on which they receive unemployment insurance payments. 'I answer calls for people in California, New Jersey and South Carolina,' she said, explaining that people call to say, 'Where's my money? How come I don't have my money?' Before that she earned $9.40 per hour working part time for a company that sold chocolate strawberries, and before that she worked seven months for a propane company that paid $12 hourly. And before that, after her original career fell apart, she worked in a different call center. Andrade, 57, doesn't understand why she's wound up with such unstable employment after a long career. 'I talked to other people because sometimes I think maybe it's just me,' she said. 'They experience the same thing.' It's not an unusual experience: Americans are more likely to say their current employment situation is a step down from five years ago than a step up, a new HuffPost/YouGov poll has found." [HuffPost]

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TED CRUZ MULLING WHITE HOUSE BID - The Texas senator, who has proven himself to be presidential in almost every way -- except an ability to pass legislation and have people like him -- is taking the next step. National Review: "Freshman senator Ted Cruz is considering a presidential run, according to his friends and confidants. Cruz won't talk about it publicly, and even privately he's cagey about revealing too much of his thought process or intentions. But his interest is undeniable. 'If you don't think this is real, then you're not paying attention,' says a Republican insider. 'Cruz already has grassroots on his side, and in this climate, that's all he may need.'...Behind the scenes, there is a palpable fear on the right that the GOP will nominate a moderate Republican in 2016. There's also growing unease with the field of likely contenders. Enter Cruz. His supporters argue that he'd be a Barry Goldwater type -- a nominee who would rattle the Republican establishment and reconnect the party with its base -- but with better electoral results. Republican power brokers from the early-primary states have noticed. They tell me that the Cruz factor is a frequent topic of discussion among state-based strategists." [National Review]

Three men were arrested today on charges of trying to impede the investigation of their friend and former UMass-Dartmouth classmate, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. "Impede an investigation of my alleged terrorist activities... in your boxers" would be one hell of a pledge week haze.

MEL WATT NOMINATED TO HEAD FHFA - Shahien Nasiripour: "President Barack Obama nominated Mel Watt, a longtime Democratic congressman from North Carolina, to oversee government-controlled mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac in a move that may give the White House greater control over housing policy.The nomination, subject to Senate approval, would thrust the Yale-educated lawyer into the center of U.S. economic policy as the government weighs how best to maintain the housing recovery while reducing the government's role in propping up home prices and providing loans. FHFA regulates Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the bailed-out mortgage financiers that together own or guarantee about half of all outstanding U.S. home loans. The federal government backstops more than nine of every 10 new mortgages. Watt was first elected to the House of Representatives in 1992, where he has served on the chamber's financial services committee. On the banking panel, he perhaps is best known for trying to stamp out predatory lending. He's also championed access to home loans for low-income borrowers and those with spotty credit." [HuffPost]

Who might run for Watt's seat (if he is confirmed): "Malcolm Graham, a five-term state senator representing Mecklenburg County, which makes up half of Watt's 12th District. Consultants in the state say that Graham, an African-American businessman who also served a few terms as a city council member in Charlotte, has higher political aspirations. His strong fundraising base and large appeal to the majority-minority district make him a likely candidate for Watt's seat, consultants say. Ten-term state Rep. Beverly Earle, a retired Bell South employee, is a former mayoral candidate in Charlotte. As an African-American woman with ties to the local business community, Democratic consultants say she could stand out in a field filled mostly with male candidates. Former state House Majority Leader Hugh Holliman. Holliman, a white businessman from Davidson County, which makes up a smaller portion of the 12th District, has the potential of eking out a win if the minority vote is split among a few candidates, consultants say." [Roll Call]

@erinruberry: Michelle Obama is coming to @Politics_Prose‎ Tuesday to sign books. Must pre-purchase a copy of 'American Grown' to attend.

REPUBLICAN FROM MODERATE STATE BRAVELY ATTACKS GOP - Toomey would probably take on more risk by declaring that Democrats and Republican need to stop their bickering and work together to find commonsense solutions. "In the wake of the failed Senate effort to expand background checks for gun purchases -- and the subsequent boost in his poll numbers for supporting the measure -- Republican Sen. Pat Toomey nevertheless said Tuesday he does not think another attempt will succeed in the Senate....However, the country has become so politicized, passing legislation on major issues is getting increasingly difficult, Toomey said. "In the end it didn't pass because we're so politicized. There were some on my side who did not want to be seen helping the president do something he wanted to get done, just because the president wanted to do it," Toomey said.... In subsequent comments, he tried to walk that remark part-way back by noting he meant to say Republicans across the nation in general, not just those in the Senate. 'The toughest thing to do in politics is to do the right thing when your supporters think the right thing is something else,' Toomey said." [HuffPost]

SEQUESTRATION UPSETTING HISTORY NERDS - It's been a bad few years for America's history buffs, what with the History Channel's increasingly frivolous programming -- sorry Chuck Grassley -- and Newt Gingrich's recent bibliography. And now this. Sam Stein: "The National Archives and Records Administration announced this past week that in response to a 5 percent cut in its operating budget, it would be forced to defer conservation work, slow the declassification of presidential records and reduce public hours at its museums and facilities. Though hardly of the same severity as cancer clinics rejecting Medicare patients or Head Start programs having to turn away children, the cutbacks are nevertheless a good reminder of sequestration's reach. The changes were listed in a little-noticed memo NARA released on April 25 looking at the impact that sequestration will have on its operating plans. It will only end up losing $19,695 due to the cuts -- the majority of which will come from its operating expense account -- but with a budget of just $391,500, the hit will be felt." [HuffPost]

Rep. Billy Long is right, cancer patients, the sick and food deprived have it too good. Jen Bendery: "Nobody is particularly happy about the arbitrary, across-the-board spending cuts taking effect as a result of sequestration. That is, except for maybe Rep. Billy Long (R-Mo.), who said Tuesday that his constituents want even more cuts to kick in. 'The people that I've talked to seem to be doing well,' Long told local news affiliate KOLR10 News. 'In fact, when I got out in restaurants here in town, people come up to me. They want to see more sequestration, not less.' Long said people in other parts of the country may be feeling pain as a result of the $85 billion in cuts. But not his community." [HuffPost]

POLL: AMERICANS NOT READY FOR TOTAL POLICE STATE - Time: "[T]he American people are far more concerned about new government limits on civil liberties than the need for new law enforcement measures to prevent future attacks, according to a new TIME/CNN/ORC poll released Wednesday. When given a choice, 61 percent of Americans say they are more concerned about the government enacting new anti-terrorism policies that restrict civil liberties, compared to 31 percent who say they are more concerned about the government failing to enact strong new anti-terrorism policies...The TIME/CNN/ORC poll, which was conducted to coincide with the cover story release, found that Americans are becoming more resigned to the reality that future terrorist attacks will occur on the homeland. Only 32% of Americans believe that the U.S. government can prevent all major attacks, down from an average of 40% in 2011 and 41% in 2006. That said, only 27% of Americans said they are less likely to attend large public events in the future because of fears of terror attacks, a number roughly on par with polls taken after the Atlanta Olympics bombing in 1996." [Time]

DC: GRAY TO PROPOSE DRIVER'S LICENSES FOR UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS - Elise Foley: "District of Columbia Mayor Vincent Gray will propose a new bill on Thursday to give driver's licenses or D.C. identification to undocumented immigrants, which would make Washington among a small group of states and localities to do so. The plan was announced Tuesday evening on the D.C. Mayor's Office of Neighborhood Engagement Facebook page, which said Gray and other leaders will announce the bill at a press conference Thursday afternoon...Congress would get a chance to review the District of Columbia's bill before it could go into law, meaning even if it passes the city council it may not get the chance to go into effect." [HuffPost]

The new color scheme unveiled by D.C.'s Taxicab Commission is hideous.

BECAUSE YOU'VE READ THIS FAR - Rottweiler and deer run wind sprints.


- A short film made by manipulating atoms... for real, what can't humans do? [http://bit.ly/18o7eiw]

- Cosmarkpolitan is the lifestyle magazine for the Marxist on the go ("SEX TIPS so divine he'll call you the opiate of his masses"). [http://cosmarxpolitan.tumblr.com/]

- Fans of lasers and popping sounds will enjoy this video of a laser destroying an array of balloons. [http://bit.ly/102UKZ6]

- Cat is concerned about cat trapped inside a cell phone. [http://bit.ly/KGsUxW]

- A Polaroid made of LEGOs that even spits out a LEGO photograph. [http://bit.ly/18aEpJj]

- And while we're on the subject of LEGOs, here's the new Iron Man 2 trailer recreated with LEGOs. [http://bit.ly/18bcito]

- Goat hitches a ride on a hippopotamus. [http://bit.ly/18qdpms]


@HuffPoSpoilers: Nicole Richie removes her tramp stamp. RT @HuffingtonPost: Nicole Richie removes her tramp stamp? huff.to/18p1dCv

@jesseltaylor: I wish the Bible had been written in Internet teaser style. "The seven new things God says you can't covet!"

@dceiver: Bros before criminal investigations, I guess?

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