05/04/2013 08:34 am ET Updated Feb 02, 2016

Jason Collins Is The Envy Of Straight Men Everywhere

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If Collins does play in the NBA next year, I’m sure certain teammates might feel threatened by his presence in the locker room. I’ll be the straight boy who’d love to have a fraction of his physical near-perfection.

As a straight-boy jock, I have been showering with large groups of naked men for decades. And these showers have not taken place in bathrooms where we straight men yell at one another from modest private stalls. No, we athletes clean ourselves in large, communal Roman gladiator bathhouses. My high-school locker room's showerheads were placed so that we boys soaped up while facing one another. And we did this soaping while standing two feet apart.

In other words, I, Sherman, a heterosexual lifelong basketball player, have seen a lot more cock and man-ass than many gay men.

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