05/14/2013 09:20 am ET Updated May 14, 2013

Marriage Trouble: Iyanla Vanzant Helps A Wife See Her Role In The Troubled Relationship (VIDEO)

Tiffany has been married to her husband Nick for five years, but says that the couple is currently struggling through a sexless marriage. Their broken relationship has crumbled so much that the couple turned to Iyanla Vanzant for help fixing their marriage troubles.

In this clip from "Iyanla: Fix My Life," she and Tiffany go one-on-one to get to the root of the problems -- and end up uncovering how Tiffany is unknowingly poisoning her marriage with the negativity and poor self-image that stem from her difficult past. "I want us to take a look at the trauma in your [past] and clear it out," Iyanla says.

Iyanla puts a necklace chain around Tiffany's neck, over her heart, and attaches a large leaf to it each time Tiffany recounts a negative emotion and experience. "I just felt violated my whole life," says Tiffany, who says she was sexually abused for years as a child. "Always lonely. Stupid. Ugly." The leaves pile up, blocking her heart.

This demonstration shows how Tiffany's negative thoughts about herself are poisoning her own marriage and blocking her husband from reaching her heart. One particular leaf seems to carry more weight than the rest, however: the leaf representing Tiffany's decision to adopt a child in the midst of her unresolved issues and broken marriage. Hearing Iyanla say that Tiffany adopted the child to make herself feel better about her life has a profound effect on the mother.

Through tears, Tiffany struggles to repeat what Iyanla has told her. "I used my baby," she says shakily, "to make myself feel whole."

"Can you own that?" Iyanla asks.

"I don't want to," Tiffany replies.

"I didn't ask you if you wanted to," Iyanla says firmly. "You didn't want to be raped and violated! You didn't want any of that. But, beloved, look what you've created. You created it... Men used you to feel good about themselves; they taught you how to do it. And you do it every day."

"Iyanla: Fix My Life" airs Saturdays at 9 p.m. ET on OWN.



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