06/06/2013 02:06 pm ET

All Aboard the SS Kid Rock

The recent trend of rock 'n' roll cruises hasn't worked for every band that's tried it—let's pour out some PBR for the sadly canceled Sugar Ray cruise. But there's one boat that's been packed from stem to stern since it launched, with more than half its passengers coming back for another drunken voyage. Its captain is Kid Rock, and its name is the Chillin' the Most Cruise. GQ's Drew Magary set sail with 2,000 of America's reddest rednecks, and his liver will never be the same

Kid Rock knows something that you and I don't. He's figured out the secret—the dirty, nasty, well-kept secret of American life, which is that rednecks, in general, have more fun than uppity liberal folk like me. If you're a redneck, you're not dropping $2,300 a month to live in a Park Slope utility closet. The radio plays songs you actually like. You're not waiting in line for hours to eat at a trendy restaurant that doesn't take reservations, because Applebee's is A-OK with you. Also A-OK: cheap, mass-produced beer. Plus, you get to shoot guns all the time. It's a remarkably enjoyable lifestyle, and the annual Kid Rock theme cruise, officially called Kid Rock's Chillin' the Most Cruise, now in its fourth year, is meant to be a raucous celebration of it, with Rock—a man who countrified the concept of "keeping it real"—as its Pied Piper.

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