For me, the key has been finding a partner who really can be everything that I desire sexually. My current partner is terrific in all those same ways, and a few new ones. He listens to my fantasies, gets my kinks, is willing to explore them with me—or not, as the case may be. Sometimes, it really is just the fantasy that's the turn-on. But we also have not one but two boxes of adult toys, and like to play with all of them. (Not all at once.) He keeps in shape, which not only makes him attractive to me, but also gives him a lot of stamina.