06/27/2013 03:46 pm ET

Tapir Penis: All Length, No Skill, Yet Completely Humbling (VIDEO)

What's a tapir to do with its enormous tapirhood? No idea, but someone better tell it before it goes extinct.

Tapirs are large, browsing mammals that are native to the jungles and forests of South America, Central America and Southeast Asia, and are considered endangered, according to National Geographic.

BoingBoing thinks the tapir penis is horrifying, and compares it to the four-headed, spiny echidna penis. Honestly, echidna penis is damn scary, but a duck's penis, which unfurls in a corkscrew of nightmarish WTF, is much worse.

According to Google Trends, duck penis is more popular in search over time than tapir or echidna penis:

HuffPost Weird News reached out to king dong Jonah Falcon for comment on this tapir's mating skills, but requests were not returned by press time.

In the meantime, you'll have to settle for this jaw-dropping -- if not mildly disturbing -- video: