06/28/2013 12:11 pm ET Updated Jun 29, 2013

'Not Your Average Makeup Tutorial' Is The Best/Worst Thing Ever (WATCH)

Makeup tutorials come in all shapes and sizes. Some are helpful, some are inspirational, some are drunk and some are... whatever this one is.

Cat Coyne runs a satirical blog under the pseudonym Colleen Hanrahan, a "guidette" type of chick who hails from Boston and who loves to post online videos. Her latest post is a makeup tutorial that offers some very unique advice. Here are some nuggets of wisdom we took away:

On skin care: "It all starts with great skin care... no one wants to look at you if your skin looks like skim milk, if you're translucent and you look like Casper. No. Spend at least eight to 10 hours a week working on your tan."

On mascara application: "I like to think of, like, each of my eyelashes is a french fry, and this is the ketchup."

On choosing the right lipstick: "The most classic color you could pick is a frosted pink. It's my favorite because it's classy and it also looks like cake."

On turquoise eyeliner: "I don't know who said less is more. More is more."

On the best nighttime routine: "After you wash your face at night, I want you to go back, put on some bronzer, basic liner... and go to sleep with that on."

With that, we'll leave you to take in all of the sageness Colleen has to offer. Watch the tutorial below and see how her "makeup advice turns into husband advice." Yes, really.


Oy vey:

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