07/23/2013 01:57 pm ET Updated Jul 23, 2013

OMFG ROYAL BABY DAY 2013, Remembered

A historic uprising yesterday in the birth canal of Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, has apparently ended in the successful birth of a presumably human child who shall one day rule over the United Kingdom with a glittery scepter and an army of swans. And your cable teevee news was ON IT, with Cable Ace Award nominated shots of building facades, intense speculation into the gender of the child, and lots of deep reporting on birthing chairs. On-air pundits were overjoyed that Middleton was able to produce male offspring, because they are the historically preferred option, and True Royals are supposed to have ways of shutting that whole giving-birth-to-a-girl thing down. Now Middleton shall be celebrated rightly as her kingdom's brood-mare and not get drowned in the Thames for witchcraft.

In the video above, our own Sam Wilkes rounds up the best moment from this joyous day of cable television.

There were probably lots of children born into our own dying empire too, but the airwaves were given over to covering the beamish boy produced on this frabjous day. Everyone seemed to get into the act -- including ESPN's SportsCenter, for some reason -- but as usual, CNN really led the way with the stellar coverage it's known for, including its new journalistic trope, "Reporter juggling a bunch of iPhones hoping to get a text message from somebody."

I've previously opined that by choosing to cover the UK Royals and their goings-on, CNN was making a great decision that would ensure that it spends less time covering important matters terribly. That resulted in me getting a call from the Angriest CNN Flack In The World, who didn't seem to understand that I was complimenting the network. So it goes!

[Video produced by Sam Wilkes]

[Would you like to follow me on Twitter? Because why not?]