Being cheated on is probably the most devastating thing that can happen to a relationship, short of the other person dying. Actually, it can feel like your partner has died when you find out he (or she) has been cheating. It feels like what you had together died.
A woman wrote an essay in the Daily Mail about taking back her husband after he had a long-term affair. Initially, she thought this was a great idea. So great that she even wrote about how the affair brought them closer together than ever. But, predictably, that was a premature conclusion. Now she's writing about how she should never have taken him back and it was the biggest mistake she's ever made. Each person should decide for themselves whether to give a relationship another chance after cheating -- and they should not be judged for it. But here are 10 reasons not to take back a cheater:
- The relationship will never be the same. While it's true that some people say a relationship actually improves after cheating, we should face the fact that usually it does not. That sense of freedom, of trust, of respect is gone for a while and may never come back.
- You don't have to worry about it happening again. Cheaters don't always cheat again, but there's a decent chance he might. Why? Whatever made him cheat is probably still in his psyche unless he is seriously working on all of his issues. Because he had a choice to cheat. You didn't make him do it (no matter what he says). Some studies even say there's a cheating gene. I don't believe that once a cheat, always a cheat, but I definitely believe once a cheat, good chance of being a cheat again.
- You teach your children that cheating is not acceptable. If your children see you leave a cheater, they learn that this is something that destroys relationships and is unacceptable. Which doesn't guarantee they won't ever do it or put up with it, but they will realize it has severe consequences.
- You'll save on therapy bills. Because, believe me, you are going to need them now that you've decided to stay with someone who strayed.
- You'll feel safer. Not knowing if your man is going to cheat means never quite knowing when you might pick up a venereal disease.
- You'll keep your self-respect. If you want to stay with a cheater, you should do that and not be judged. But, let's face it, your self-respect is going to take a huge hit for awhile. Especially if the affair is ongoing, or the cheating is chronic, how do you respect yourself staying with a man who can't or won't value you?
- Things can only get better. When you stay in a relationship with a cheater who makes little or no effort to change, things can only get worse. When you leave, things can only get better.
- You're not taking the easy way out. It's as difficult, if not more difficult, to leave a relationship, even a bad one, than it is to stay in one. You're not the one giving up on the relationship, he gave up when he cheated.
- You need a partner, not a child. It's not up to you to "save" him, "teach him" right from wrong, or "help" him get over his cheating habit. He's an adult and should have done that for himself.
- You deserve better. Believe it or not, there are men and women who do not cheat and will not cheat, and you deserve one of them.
- You don't need any reason at all.
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