08/20/2013 06:16 pm ET Updated Aug 21, 2013

Marriage Advice: How Tweaking Your Relationship Expectations Can Bring True Happiness (VIDEO)

It may seem that romance is the only necessary ingredient for a healthy marriage, but Mara Kofoed learned firsthand that it's not so simple.

A love connection is the foundation of a long-lasting union, but couples need more building blocks to succeed. Kofoed and her husband joined HuffPost Live's Nancy Redd for a conversation with Lori Gottlieb, author of "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough," about learning that lesson the hard way.

"I got married the first time at age 25, and I thought it was all about love," Kofoed said. "I thought love -- just romantic kind of love and chemistry -- I thought that was the ultimate connection that could carry you through any problems and trials."

But she found herself divorced and looking for a new spouse in her early 30s, and by then she said she had "a very different view" about what she needed in her partner.

Her current husband, Danny Kofoed, said that when they were dating, they discussed the two or three most important, non-negotiable things they needed in the relationship. For him, it was all about keeping the marriage as great in times of unhappiness as it was in times of joy.

"I wanted to know I was going to be with somebody who knew how to handle the ups and downs, knew how to handle my ups and downs, and was going to have enough self-worth on her own that she would be able to support me and I her whenever we weren't at our best," he said.

Once they managed their expectations and communicated clearly, the relationship was fantastic -- so fantastic, in fact, that the couple teamed up to write A Blog About Love.

Watch the clip above to hear more about changing your relationship expectations (and check out the full segment here), then click the slideshow below see the lessons celebrities learned from their divorces.

Lessons Celebrities Learned From Their Divorces