From the truly terrifying to the downright silly, these 9 clowns are guaranteed to keep you up at night. You're welcome!
OUCHY THE CLOWN
Nothing says "fun" quite like a clown that loves to beat people up. For a small fee, Ouchy The Clown will show up in his red and white makeup and black leather to act as a dominator for the evening, or even a DJ.
On his website, Ouchy The Clown lists his hobbies, and even offers a page where he reviews his favorite porn films. To be fair, he makes it clear he isn't available for children's parties.
"I have been a practicing clown dom for over three years and am respectful of all limits. Trust me, I'm a clown," Ouchy writes on his website.
Well we're sold!
SONDANCE THE CLOWN
Thomas Harold Morgan, stage name "Sondance the Clown" was arrested for possessing child pornography on June 21, 2012.
Prior to his arrest, Morgan's clowning website stated that he had spent over twenty years working on his career. Being a clown, the website said, "is something deep inside."
Morgan's trial continues to be postponed until it can be determined if he is competent enough to stand trial.
You uh, you spilled some ketchup on your shirt. That's just ketchup, right? RIGHT?!
Followers of the "musicians" Insane Clown Posse (pictured above) love to dress up in makeup when attending shows. Or hanging out with friends. Or just walking down the street.
Juggalos are perhaps some of the scariest clowns, because they're all around us. Juggalos might work with you, play sports with you, drink Faygo soda with you, or even be a member of your family. And some of them don't take kindly at all to being made fun of.
Most notable ICP lyrics include: "If I was a butthole, I'd just be an exit," "I dropped outta school and I quit my job," and a nuanced discussion about the complexities of magnets.
THIS CLOWN THAT JUST STANDS AROUND
An anonymous man has been striking fear into the hearts of the Northampton, U.K., community by ominously standing around in creepy clown apparel.
And that's it. He doesn't talk, doesn't juggle, doesn't pass out cute balloon animals. He just stands there, smiling, waiting. For what? We're not sure. And that's the most terrifying thing of all.
BOZO THE CLOWN
The Bozo legend began on records in the 1940s, before exploding on TV. By the early 1960s, nearly every major city in the United States had its own Bozo show. Larry Harmon took credit for this greasepaint empire. But HuffPost Weird News executive editor Buck Wolf proved that Harmon had been lying for years by claiming that he created Bozo and got him kicked out of the International Clown Hall of Fame, earning Wolf the nickname, "Butcher Of Bozo."
Pictured above is the great Chicago Bozo, Bob Bell.
MARTIN "VLAD" EVANICK
Martin "Vlad" Evanick was charged with producing and sharing child pornography in 2012. Evanick, who dressed as a clown in his Illinois metal band (unsurprisingly) named "The Core Of Your Nightmares," allegedly took pictures of himself engaged in a sex act with a child.
THIS OTHER GUY
BRB, just pissed myself.
POGO THE CLOWN
Pogo the Clown, real name John Wayne Gacy, is the most infamous clown in U.S. history. Gacy was convicted of murdering 33 young men and boys between 1972 and 1978. Investiators found bodies of children buried underneath the crawl space of his Chicago home. "The Killer Clown," as he was known, was executed in 1994.