10/04/2013 12:07 pm ET Updated Dec 04, 2013

Let's All Write Open Letters To Miley Cyrus And Also Your Mom Forever And Ever


It's begun. With Sinead O'Connor's open letter to Miley Cyrus, and Amanda Palmer's open letter to Sinead O'Connor, a chain of events has been put into motion which no force in heaven or earth can stop until it's run its course and we are left with the smoking, burnt-out ruins of a culture.

Caitlin Moran has already started her open letter to Amanda Palmer about how everything a woman does is okay, because she's a woman and that's what feminism means. Elizabeth Wurtzel will write an open letter to Moran on The Daily Beast, suggesting that she lose weight and consider some light cosmetic surgery, and Wurtzel's letter will then devolve into a 900-word rant that seems to either be about how impressed she is by Miley's lack of cellulite or how millennials have turned rock 'n roll into a "meth lab of the heart." Jessica Valenti will write to Wurtzel about everything that's wrong with everything that she's said for the past five years. Taylor Swift will write to Valenti about how The Purity Myth hurt her feelings, and later also write a song about it. Roxane Gay will express mild disappointment at how much time and energy we are all apparently willing to expend over a twenty-year-old girl riding a wrecking ball naked, and go on to curate a really amazing and heartwarming series for The Rumpus about seminal sexual experiences with construction equipment. xojane will publish "It Also Happened To Me: I Was Torn To Pieces By Sinead O'Connor." Later, it will be revealed to have been written by Pope Francis.

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