How do you get rid of your most reliable "lifelong friend"?
Craigslist. For $50.
Of course, this seems a little less monstrous when the bestest buddy in question is a couch.
Here's the ad:
This sofa comes highly recommended by myself. It's been with me through thick and thin and I typically spend twelve or more hours a day firmly planted upon it. Over the years, it has never let my butt reach the ground. And I've been nice to it too; it's in good condition, has its arm covers, and its beautiful, unstained, floral design will remind you of the great outdoors without the bees or pollen.
With dimensions of 86" wide x 37" deep x 32.5" high, it'll be sure to fit anywhere you want it.
Let me lay out the details for you.
-Awesome floral design
-Skirted, so you can hide all your crap underneath
-Comes with matching pillows
-Seats three normal sized humans, or two (also human) sumo wrestlers with a small cat
-Comes from a home of non-smokers
-Made by House of Edinboro
-You won't want to get off of it
-It squeaks a bit with the joy of being sat on (not, like, a ton, but I don't want to waste your time if you can't handle that)
You might wonder why I would want to get rid of such a wonderful couch. I would wonder the same thing, but the reason is only known by my mother, whose thoughts cannot be fathomed by mere mortals.
I wanted to sell it for $5,000, but just for you and because my parents insisted, I'm posting it for the low low price of $50. It's essentially the best couch you'll ever find on craigslist for this cheap. You should probably buy it immediately so you don't miss out.
Ryan Gartman, who placed the ad, tells HuffPost that he is a "college graduate without work" -- he's also a gaming blogger -- living with his folks in Central Pennsylvania.
"My mom was wanting to make some changes to the room's decor," he says. "She wanted to get an upgrade for the sake of my delicate posterior."
Said posterior may not have a new friend to sit upon anytime soon. Since the ad went up a little less than a week ago, Gartman says he's received one inquiry, "but unfortunately I haven't heard from them since the initial contact."
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