10/10/2013 04:08 pm ET

Patton Oswalt's 'Black Angus Steakhouse' Menu Comes To Life In All Its Gluttonous Glory

Patton Oswalt is known for his love of food, so it should come as no surprise that one of his most popular stand-up bits is about his love of steakhouses. Not just any steakhouses, mind you: Black Angus Steakhouse.

In the bit, he described the aggression that Black Angus employs to draw in customers. His description of the artery-clogging concoctions served up at Black Angus are exaggerated for comedic effect, but one Redditor actually made a full menu of Patton's fake Black Angus menu.

Godspeed, captstack. Obamacare couldn't have kicked in at a better time.

Check out the bit on YouTube (warning, some NSFW language), and check out the cuisine IRL below.

  • "At Black Angus, we'll start you off with our appetizer platter, featuring five jumbo deep-fried gulf shrimp, served on a disc of salted butter, with 15 of our potato bacon bombs, and a big bowl of pork cracklins with our cheese and butter dipping sauce."
  • "Then we'll take you to our mile-long bacon and salad bar, featuring bacon and cheese cream soup, and our five head of iceberg lettuce He-Man salad served in a punch bowl, with 18 pounds of ranch dressing, pork-stuffed deep-fried croutons and what the hell, a couple of corn dogs."
  • "Then we'll wheel out our bottomless trough of fried dough."
  • "Then, we'll bring out our 55-ounce Las Mesa He-Man Steak Slab, served with a deep-fried pumpkin, stuffed with buttered scallops and 52 of our potato bacon bombs."
  • "Bend over, Abigail May. Here comes the gravy pipe!"
  • "At Black Angus, your name is Peaches."


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