10/21/2013 04:26 pm ET Updated Dec 21, 2013

Edward Snowden NEEDS To Go To Donald Trump's Moscow Beauty Pageant


Dear Edward Snowden,

Can we talk? How's it going?

We know this message might take a little while to reach you, what with all the encryption and Russian secrecy and stuff, but we felt we needed to reach out to you about something very important.

Your life has changed a lot recently, and you've been responsible for some pretty big debates about surveillance and its role in our society. But not everything has changed. For instance, hair-thing-haver and birthernatic Donald Trump is still a person that exists, and he happens to be coming to your new neck of the woods for his "prestigious" Miss Universe beauty pageant!

And, for some reason, he decided that he would reach out. He's kind that way:

We have so many thoughts about this. First of all, the hallmark of any free society should be whether we are free to attend or not attend beauty pageants led by TV firing people. Secondly, we doubt that Mr. Trump would really be able to "take you back" anywhere, let alone his gold-plated plane, or his special Trump Brand Holding Cell, or wherever he's thinking of trapping you. Since you managed to evade a whole planeload of press people as well as multiple governments, we'd put our trust in your ability to fool Donald Trump.

So the reason we're writing to you is this: you have to go to the pageant. Please go! Just to rub it in the Donald's face, to show that he is no match for you. You could go in disguise if you wanted to--maybe as a female audience member, or maybe as Sir Edward of Snowdington, dashing British aristocrat with an eccentric love of false mustaches and hair dye. Those are just two options for you, and we're sure you can think of more.

You could rush the stage and start talking about the Russian security services, or you could just sit there and then release a statement to the world afterwards about what you thought of the Q&A section. It's up to you, as long as you go.

So do it! For yourself, and for the world.

HuffPost Media