10/21/2013 12:31 pm ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

So, This Is How It Feels To Have OCD


It gets more and more difficult to not be discovered -- to continue this disguise of cavalier indifference. The effort I exert in my attempts to make you think I am just like you is astounding and, funnily enough, quite arrogant. To think that you, a virtual stranger, would extend even the slightest care over my compulsions is the height of haughtiness. But subjectivity is deceptive, and, as I am the center of my own universe, it seems right to me that you be deeply consumed with my innermost thoughts as well.

Surely you notice the patterns, the excuses. I do my best to make them appear like afterthoughts that just occurred to me, though I actually rehearse them before I mutter them. "Oh, you know what? I should probably run to the bathroom before class starts." You probably wouldn't even look up from your phone when you heard that one, right? But you might if you heard it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at exactly 1:55, so I have to mix it up.

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