10/24/2013 09:23 am ET

The Strange Eating Habits Of Highly Untrustworthy Humans (PHOTOS)

Adult life can be really hard. You are generally expected to go to work. You frequently have to smile and make polite conversation with people before you've had coffee. For some of us, commuting involves being stuffed into a metal tube with 200 other people, while you barrel through underground tunnels at a speed beyond your control. People frown on eating gummy bears or leftover mashed potatoes for breakfast. And, on top of all of this, you have to decipher which other human adults to trust all on your own.

We're here to help. There are some tell-tale signs that your dining companion is a highly untrustworthy human, who you should regard with caution and total suspicion. You don't have to thank us, we just want to help.

  • 1 Eating Pizza With A Knife And Fork
    Of course there are exceptions to this rule, like a pie too laden with toppings to be picked up and folded, or the ever-more-popular salad pie mounded with arugula. HOWEVER, if your human companion insists on eating their greasy everyday pizza pie with a knife and fork, you can expect that they will either use those tools to kill you, or be incredibly high maintenance. Possibly both.
  • 2 Eating Sandwiches With The Crusts Cut Off
    These people are either regressing to childhood, or may believe they are some kind of Duke or Duchess who is to be served tea sandwiches daily. These people hate texture, will expect you to invest more time in them than you do in yourself, and probably don't like grilled cheese sandwiches. Stay away.
  • 3 Tasting More Than Two Samples In A Long Ice Cream Shop Line
    These people are indecisive, and also possibly sociopaths with no regard for the people around them. One, of course. Two, fine. Three? Don't trust them.
  • 4 Eating Sushi With A Fork
    These people are either completely xenophobic, or cripplingly terrified of failure. Possibly both. Aside from potentially tainting the flavor of raw fish (this may be an old-wive's tale, but it's a pervasive one), eating another culture's food is an opportunity to experience their way of life. These people are refusing to do that, maybe for reasons of terror, maybe for reasons of pride. Do not trust them.
  • 5 A Strong Aversion To Garlic
  • 6 Buying Or Ordering "Light" Salad Dressing
    These people are delusional. They will expect things of you that are nearly impossible. They will ask you to be in two places at once, to give them advice on impossible situations and to solve the unsolvable.

Want to read more from HuffPost Taste? Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest and Tumblr.



Weird Food Vending Machines