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10/29/2013 12:35 pm ET Updated Oct 29, 2013

America's Local Reporters Get Up Close And Dangerous With... Pumpkins (VIDEO)

BREAKING NEWS: Pumpkins!

Each year, around this time, mysterious orange orbs sprout up from the ground, and the local news teams of America take it upon themselves to investigate them and ask the important questions.

What can these orbs be used for? What's the best approach to carving rudimentary faces into them? What are the various ways we can put them in our mouths, or in our favorite buttery things then our mouths, or in our favorite liquid things, then our mouths? Can they be used for transport, strength training, or head protection?

Watch the above video as America's local reporters get up close and dangerous with these orange gourd-beasts.

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