11/19/2013 12:59 pm ET

John Hodgman Knows Everything There Is To Know About Cooking Eggs (VIDEO)

"Eggs are unpredictable, like life."

John Hodgman loves cooking eggs, and he knows pretty much everything there is to know about the subject. The Daily Show correspondent waxes poetic on his profound appreciation for eggs in the latest installment of Vanity Fair's the Snob's Dictionary. A 10-part series that exposes the life of a culture snob -- you know, that person who derives more pleasure from knowing about a subject than participating in it -- the Snob's Dictionary is the perfect arena for Hodgman to extol the virtues of this seemingly mundane exercise that we regular people engage in without much thought most mornings.

Eggs, Hodgman declares, "are unpredictable, like life." "Your wife leaves you, your yolk breaks." When it comes down to it, he explains, "making eggs is a rehearsal for happiness in life altogether." Fortunately Hodgman is here to to share his wisdom and tell us how to perfect the process -- of making eggs and thereby finding complete and utter happiness in life, of course.

Hodgman tells us not not to bother with non-stick pans. "They're a crutch." When you're "wrestling with catastrophe and rescuing something beautiful," how could you even imagine using a "fancy-pancy" pan? He tells us every egg is different and once an egg is in the pan, it's "just between you and the egg." And if you hate eggs, he really doesn't want to talk to you.

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