12/13/2013 12:50 pm ET

How Can A Certified Chef Drop Five Pounds?

Steve Cole via Getty Images

You won’t see my diet miracle on Dr. Oz or Oprah.

It’s not a green coffee bean from Pristine Plateaus, a berry from a Sacred Grove in the Amazon jungle, or any other Hollywood-certified belly fat buster flashing on your computer screen: Only $59.99 for a full month’s supply, but hurry, they’re flying off the shelves! No diet, no exercise, money back guaranteed if you don’t drop a dress size by Saturday night!

My amazing but true diet secret costs 99 cents (plus deposit) a liter. It’s made by a generations-old family business in Worcester, Massachusetts; New Yorkers can get it at Fairway, Gristede’s, Stop & Shop, or Peapod online.

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