01/06/2014 09:18 am ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

They've Invented A New 'Body Type' Just To Embarrass Women For Aging

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Whether you’re an hourglass, an apple, a pear, a stick figure, a diamond, or a tube, I think we can all agree that the names for women’s body types are so, so stupid.

Despite wasting full hours in front of the mirror in middle school, I was never able to determine my shape (probably because it doesn’t, in any obvious way, resemble a fruit), even after I exhausted several guides in Cosmo and Seventeen. I always assumed I was weird for not being able to tell if I was a butt girl or a boob girl, but as it turns out, I was neither. Shockingly, I was shaped like a constantly growing and changing human body. Unbelievable!

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