The New Jersey traffic scandal that engulfed Wednesday's news cycle has not only threatened Gov. Chris Christie's 2016 presidential chances in the Republican primaries, it got personal for at least one high-profile New Jersey native: Jon Stewart.
"Did probable presidential favorite Chris Christie personally order this traffic? I don't know," Stewart joked. "But I do know one thing about the effects of this burgeoning scandal. You can probably now see Paul Ryan's boner from space."
Stewart made clear his disappointment in the crudeness of the traffic scandal in a state renowned for its crude scandals. Introducing himself as the show's "Senior New Jersey Correspondent," he fired off a lengthy comic rant bashing those involved with intentionally shutting down the George Washington Bridge as political retribution against the mayor of Fort Lee.
"As a guy who grew up in New Jersey, I'm embarrassed," Stewart said. "I'm ashamed of the state I grew up. Political payback through traffic congestion? To see New Jersey sink to such a piss-poor, third-rate quality of corruption... this is New Jersey. A state renowned for its piss-rich, first-rate quality of corruption!"
He then rattled off a series of bizarre and colorful examples of New Jersey corruption, such as a state senator who faked his own death in a scuba accident to collect money, and HBO using New Jersey as a backdrop for corrupt gangsters... twice.
"There is literally a severed horse head on the state flag!" he cited.
He ended his rant by quoting a song about the state from New Jersey's most famous export, Bruce Springsteen. "'It's a death trap / it's a suicide rap / We got to get out while we're young,'" he quoted. "So don't block the bridge. Because there aren't that many ways out."
Check out Stewart's rant above, and the opening of the segment below.