01/27/2014 03:29 pm ET Updated Jan 27, 2014

'Divorce Court' Judge Lynn Toler Has Some Advice That Could Save Your Marriage

Years of presiding over bickering couples has taught "Divorce Court" judge Lynn Toler something you might not expect: the secret to staying married.

The 54-year-old arbiter stopped by "Bethenny" Monday and offered up some real talk on sustaining a successful, long-lasting marriage.

"Marriage is not a state of being, it's a process," she explained. "I think as you age, as your priorities change, as peoples' interests change, you have to actively engage in re-learning how to love each other all the time."

Toler also gave some tips about arguing fairly with your spouse.

"The first thing is timing. You never have an argument when you're mad about it. Let that go. Wait until there's a time where everyone's not angry," she said. "If you argue with an angry person all they hear is static and they defend and nothing gets resolved."

Maybe we shouldn't be too surprised that the tough but fair-minded Toler has such great marriage advice to dispense. She has, after all, been married for 25 years to husband Eric Mumford.

And back in September 2012, the "Divorce Court" judge blogged about how listening to the complaints of one divorce-bound couple on the show helped her right her own marriage when it hit a rough patch a few years back.

"By year 19, my husband, Big E, and I were off the road and deep in the weeds. Barely speaking, when one of us walked in a room the other would walk out," she revealed. "He was angry and unhappy and he saw me as the source of both. I, on the other hand, saw him as a jerk, a man who cared nothing for my needs. Of course, as I eventually learned at work, we were both wrong. It was, instead, those unexamined needs that had taken us off the road."

Watch the video above for more of Toler's tips on relationships, then check out her musings on her own marriage for HuffPost Divorce here.

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