01/31/2014 08:48 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Here's Why Justin Bieber Needs A Time Out. In Canada. By Means Of Deportation.

Recently, the White House petition to deport Justin Bieber and revoke his visa reached 100,000 signatures, requiring an official response from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

According to a recent poll, more than half of Americans are down with forcing Biebs to return to Canada. But why do we all want him out so badly? Isn't he a shining example of the American Dream, a foreigner who traveled far from home to make his fortune?

Not really. Yes, he was ranked in DoSomething.org's list of 2013's top ten charitable celebrities, and has granted the most wishes of any recording artist with the Make A Wish Foundation -- 200 as of August 2013. He raised $3 million in relief funds after December's disastrous hurricane in the Philippines. That's awesome. But, in the high court of public opinion, we've got to weigh it against him being an immature teen who can't seem to control his run-ins with the law. Maybe -- maybe -- he should be sent back home for a few years ...

On Jan. 23, Bieber was arrested for drunk driving, among other things.

Last week, the whole Internet rejoiced as Florida police arrested and charged le petit Canadien for DUI, drag racing and resisting an officer without violence.

And his entourage blocked traffic so he could drag race.

His squad of goons eliminated traffic on a residential street so the singer could have his fun -- although according to GPS on the rented Lamborghini he was driving, Bieber never broke 55 MPH.

The Biebs is basically never not surrounded by his posse.


The week before his arrest, he'd caused $20,000 in damages to a neighbor's home.

Los Angeles detectives are working on a case against Bieber for allegedly throwing eggs at his neighbor's house. Its front facade now needs to be re-plastered and a few doors fixed, according to reports.

One time during a show in Argentina, he disrespectfully (and illegally) dragged two of the country's flags across the stage.

Fans had tossed the flags onto the stage, but instead of holding up those national symbols, he kicked them aside. Such an act is illegal in Argentina.

And let's not forget that time he was spotted sneaking out of a Brazilian brothel!

The 19-year-old was spotted darting out of the popular Centaurus brothel wrapped in a bed sheet. The week prior, he'd allegedly spent the night with a prostitute in Panama.

Or the time he made his bodyguards carry him across the Great Wall of China.

Bieber was spotted -- and documented thoroughly by fans via social media -- being carried up the Chinese landmark by "much stronger men."

Or the time a fan was so sick with Bieber fever he spent $100,000 on plastic surgery.

Toby Sheldon, a 33-year-old L.A.-based songwriter, spent an insane amount of money over a period of five years to look like his idol.

Justin Bieber's record in animal care is spotty at best.

There was PAC the hamster, who died shortly after being handed off to a random fan after a concert. And Mally the monkey, who Bieber abandoned in Germany after she was seized by authorities. Johnson the boa constrictor was auctioned off to widespread criticism.

You're in a better home now, Justin's monkey.


You know what else is spotty? His car!


Such a modest young man. Bieber had his Audi painted in a leopard print last summer.

And we can barely keep track of the number of international nighttime brawls he's been involved with.

At times just by siccing his bodyguards on someone. There was an alleged assault on a Toronto limo driver in Dec. 2013, the Aug. 2013 brawl in Southampton, an Oct. 2013 incident in a South Korean club and a March 2013 fight with London photographers, among others.

He's also apparently been terrorizing neighbors with high-speed driving.

TMZ reported in May 2013 that several of Bieber's neighbors in the exclusive gated community he calls home had complaints about his reckless 100 MPH driving. Former NFL star Eric Dickerson tweeted, "I live in Calabasas too and @justinbieber needs to slow his ass down."

Also, when you throw a phone onstage at a Bieber concert, he might just rub it on his junk. Right then and there.

Yes, if you don't want to subject your phone to such an atrocity, you'd do well to keep it in your hand.


He once peed into a mop bucket in a NYC restaurant and shouted "F--k Bill Clinton!"

Why Bill Clinton? No apparent reason. Realizing that someone was recording the July 2013 incident, Bieber only laughed. The restaurant employee, who later had to clean up the mess, did not.

Bieber once stated, "I'm an artist and I should be taken seriously."

To be fair, he was likely upset at just having been booed while taking the stage to accept a Billboard Music Award back in May 2013.

And yet, his music is so poorly regarded that a school motivated students to donate to charity in order to stop it from playing over the loudspeakers.

During each break between classes for one week -- or until students donated a total of $1,000 -- Bieber's "Baby" was to be played throughout the halls of Evanston Township High School near Chicago. It only took those kids half the week.

Justin Bieber once posted this photo to his Instagram account:


No caption.

He may or may not have spit on some fans?

A rep for the singer says the TMZ photos that seem to show him spitting on fans gathered below his hotel balcony are totally fake. TMZ says they aren't. Take a look and decide for yourself!

And a visit to the Anne Frank House prompted him to write, "Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber."

Really? Hopefully the adolescent historical documentarian and Holocaust victim would have numbered in your gaggle of adoring fans? Can you not?

Unfortunately, news correspondents are now confusing Bieber news with actual important breaking news.


When MSNBC got word of the drunk driving arrest, they had Andrea Mitchell interrupt a story on the NSA to report it.

He must be stopped!


CORRECTION: A previous version of this article incorrectly stated that Bieber had granted the most "Make A Wish Foundation" wishes of any celebrity; he has granted the most of any recording artist.



Justin Bieber Arrested: The Twitter Jokes