With a rather disappointing Super Bowl starting off the week, some Tweeters were sympathetic towards the losing team, while others were downright ambivalent. Jenny Jaffe envisioned what the Broncos quarterback was doing after his 43-8 loss: "Somewhere, Peyton Manning is eating cookie dough Ben and Jerry's, listening to Beyoncé, and making a vision board." We're pretty sure that's what all Broncos fans did after the game.
In other underwhelming-sporting-event news, the Twitterverse was abuzz with the subpar accommodations at the Sochi Olympics which kicked off yesterday. Stacy St. Clair was not too keen on the hotel's water supply, but who can blame her: "My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, 'do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous.' #Sochi2014." Two words: bottled water.
While many Tweeters were understandably upset about the situation, Eliza Bayne took a more optimistic approach: "A lot of people are complaining about the double toilets in their hotel rooms. But honestly? The selfies must be AWESOME #SochiProblems."
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Somewhere, Peyton Manning is eating cookie dough Ben and Jerry's, listening to Beyoncé, and making a vision board.
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) February 4, 2014
Hey Twitter, I want you guys to be the first to know that I'm running from Congress.
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) February 4, 2014
I wanna have a party so we get stuck there in the snowstorm and have to keep partying. But I have no friends. Probably because I trap people
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) February 4, 2014
I can't wait for fashion week. It's the only time of year I can wear fur sandals in slush puddles and look normal.
— Amy Odell (@amyodell) February 5, 2014
When you're too lazy to get up and pee it is time to taser yourself.
— Paula Pell (@perlapell) February 7, 2014
PITCH: A culinary show hosted by Dwayne Johnson where we find out what The Rock is REALLY cooking.
— Cristela Alonzo (@cristela9) February 7, 2014
Gerrymandering is my favorite political word because it sounds like your old, reclusive neighbor farting around in his bathrobe.
— Jenn Tisdale (@Jenn_Tisdale) February 7, 2014
my version of torture is strapping someone to a chair and holding their eyelids open while i play slam poetry youtube videos about breakups
— Chelsea Fagan (@Chelsea_Fagan) February 7, 2014
Tired of standing on this train so I'm about to reach into my tote bag for my Emergency Baby Bump.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 5, 2014
My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, "do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous." #Sochi2014
— Stacy St. Clair (@StacyStClair) February 4, 2014
I'm not covering the Olympics because I'd be feeding 17 stray dogs in my hotel room.
— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) February 7, 2014
If I asked my son to help me with groceries, and he replied "I don't know, can you?" he wouldn't get Doritos he would get his ass kicked
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) February 3, 2014
A lot of people are complaining about the double toilets in their hotel rooms. But honestly? The selfies must be AWESOME #SochiProblems
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) February 7, 2014
The amount of fire drills that happen at my work leads me to believe that an arsonist was hired on the honor system.
— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) February 7, 2014
My son thinks TV is that thing that poor, deprived kids who don't have YouTube are forced to watch.
— Susie Felber (@susiefelber) February 7, 2014
Fun prank to do on Southwest planes is to accuse people of being in your seat.
— Erin Gibson (@gibblertron) February 7, 2014
People who live in glass houses really shouldn't be OCD because OH MY GOD IS THAT A FINGERPRINT?
— shauna (@goldengateblond) February 7, 2014
I can go from "cute as fuck" to "what the fuck" just by parting my bangs down the middle
— cee (@cee_ryan) February 7, 2014
"are you tweeting? you could tweet that your dad is really super attractive" -my dad
— Jayne Complains (@jaynecomplains) February 4, 2014
The longest and most intimate relationship I've ever had was accidentally getting in the same section of a revolving door as someone.
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) February 6, 2014
Due to our time difference with Sochi, if you want to watch the games live you have to set your alarm and wake up one hundred years ago.
— Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) February 6, 2014
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 7, 2014
are the football guys going to kiss or what
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 3, 2014
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake... it was the cat, finally extracting her revenge.
— Ella Ceron (@ellaceron) February 7, 2014
As a woman it's important to b mysterious like did I eat the footlong at Subway or the 6 inch we'll never know unless u check my bra 4 crums
— Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) February 6, 2014