03/13/2014 10:07 am ET Updated Mar 13, 2014

A Grown Woman's Guide To Responsible Celebrity Worship

John Shearer/Invision/AP

I'm really not into the phrase "It Girl." First of all because it sounds like a euphemism for "Sexy Pennywise Halloween Costume," and second of all because it's so...singular. We can only have one girl? And that's "It"? Girls are like the Highlander? What happens to her when she's not "It" anymore? Why don't we have an "It Boy"?* Why do we have to pick teams and then hate everyone who picks the "It" girl that we didn't pick? Why is womanhood always a fucking contest?**

There's something disturbing about the way we throw female celebrities in a jar and make them fight, and it got me thinking: Is there a responsible way to idolize famous women—a way that uplifts us all instead of turning us into weird chattering territorial beasts? I think so. And it's not that hard.

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