03/17/2014 09:27 am ET Updated Mar 17, 2014

9 Times Fast Food Butchered The Meaning Of Artisanal

We're all suckers for nostalgia. We fantasize of good times past, when life was simpler, people happier and the food was better. In all honesty, we're dreaming of a time that probably never existed, but it doesn't even matter. Our faded memory has turned it into a reality we're desperately trying to get back. This nostalgic love is our achilles heel and it has made advertisers' jobs easier than taking candy from a baby. All they have to do is slap the words "authentic" and "artisanal" onto a product and we. are. sold.

This is how the advertising world and fast food companies have come to butcher the meaning of the word artisanal. Once used to describe the practice of making things by hand in a traditional fashion, it now generally refers to a ciabatta-type bread (that was probably made by a high-tech, high-powered machine). There's no denying we live in a time of food fraud -- are you aware of fake baby carrots and rampant fish mislabeling? -- and here are the worst offenders.

  • 1 Wendy's Artisan Egg Sandwich
    In case you couldn't tell, this bread is artisanal.
  • 2 Starbucks Veggie & Monterey Jack Artisan Breakfast Sandwich
    Again, the bread.
  • 3 Jack In The Box's Grilled Breakfast Sandwich
    Jack In The Box
  • 4 Burger King Artisan Bun
    Oh, now there's an artisanal burger bun. Cool.
  • 5 Dunkin' Donuts' Artisanal Bagels
    Dunkin' Donuts
    Thanks Dunkin' for deciding to stop serving us fake bagels.
  • 6 Domino's Artisan Pizza
    It's not the dough that's artisanal, but the feta. Because duh, all feta is artisanal.
  • 7 Sargento Artisan Cheese
    And mass-produced parmesan too?
  • 8 Tostitos Artisan Recipes
    Straight from the factory line into artisanal bags.
  • 9 Smart Ones Artisan Creations
    Good one, Smart Ones. You really had us going for a minute there.

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