04/07/2014 09:57 am ET

I Just Don't Want To Have Sex With You!

Izabela Habur via Getty Images

When I moved in with my boyfriend last year, after living by myself for seven years, there were a lot of unexpected changes I had to adjust to. Among the most challenging? Learning how to say no to sex in a way that’s honest but not hurtful. This hadn’t come up when we’d only seen each other a few nights a week, but living together meant adjusting to each other’s schedules and ways of approaching sex.

I love my boyfriend and our sex life, but I’m not always in the mood when he is. It’s not a problem I face often, but when I do, it’s hard to maintain a healthy balance between politely declining and feeling like doing so will cause a rift in the relationship.

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