Is there such thing as a non-gross, or even kind of sexy term for a woman’s vagina? When it comes to vagina vernacular, it’s an endless struggle.
There’s a whole wide world of vaginal euphemisms out there, ranging from the mildly confusing (“box” -- why?) to the truly horrifying (“meat flaps,” anyone?).
(Before we go any further, let’s stave off the “You mean labia, not vagina!” argument right now. In this article, “vagina” refers to the whole thing. Inside and outside parts. The end.)
Over the past few years, vaginas have had their day -- in artwork, on television and in the news. But the language we use to name said vaginas is still pretty terrible. We think it's time to come up with some new words.
We’ve rounded up some of the most common euphemisms -- most of which we’ve heard women actually use to refer to their own genitals -- and ranked them from least terrible to most.
13. Lady bits. Prissy, but not that bad.
12. Flower. Georgia O'Keeffe's artwork aside, vagina-rose comparisons sound like something out of a 1950s sex ed class. Your vagina isn't a flower -- it's a body part.
11. Vajeen. With a soft “j.” Only acceptable if you’re French.
10. Bajingo. Pleasantly peppy, but also sounds like a board game. Yahtzee!
9. Va-jay-jay. In-between a nonsense word and an anatomically correct term. So close... and yet so far. (Only Bailey from "Grey's" can pull off using this term.)
8. Woo-hoo/ Ya-hoo/ Hoo-ha. While we hope every lady associates her vagina with fun, these are rodeo shouts.
7. Coochie/ cooch. Preferred euphemism of "The Real Housewives Of Atlanta." Sounds like you're talking to a baby.
6. Beaver. This is an animal. A goofy-looking animal with teeth. Not part of a woman's anatomy.
5. Muffin. As in, "Is your muffin buttered?" Come on, people. There's no need to confuse the cupcakes of breakfast with anything else.
4. Axe wound. Way too violent and "Game Of Thrones"-esque. Who wants to associate their sexual organs with a deadly injury?
3. Pussy. Overused in porn, and how anyone was ever comfortable with this word’s sibilance is a lifelong mystery.
2. Snatch. We just... why? Who came up with this? What are you snatching? Why are you snatching?
1. Cooter. #NO.
Until we can come up with something new, let's just stick to the classic: