You did it! You've weeded through seemingly thousands of questionable online dating profiles (we're looking at you, hairy man riding a unicorn on Tinder) and found the one person you're willing to date!
He could be The One -- or at least the one you're willing to share a really awkward first date with. But your expectations for that date versus the reality of it can be very different, particularly after a really long dry spell. Don't give up hope -- but also don't say we didn't warn you.
Before the date, you text a friend.
Expectation: "I need you to be on alert in case this guy is an ax murderer and we need to enact the escape plan," you say.
Reality: You accidentally send the text to your date, thereby casting an awkward cloud over the whole evening.
Whatever, you're already over it. Time to meet this dude.
Expectation: You walk in and all heads turn in the place, including your date's.
Reality: You epically eat shit because you're graceful like that.
You lock eyes with your date.
Expectation: Oh, hello.
Reality: He's a little...intense.
Time for dinner!
Expectation: You suggest going to that ramen place known for bringing the heat -- and you slurp down those spicy noodles like a pro.
Reality: You are not a pro.
Dinnertime small talk.
Expectation: The conversation is titillating -- and you never once mention your ex.
Reality: You mention your ex.
Yikes, let's move on. What's the chemistry like between you and this new guy?
Expectation: Off the charts. We're talking Gosling-McAdams levels here.
Reality: You're firmly at Erin Andrews-50 Cent levels of chemistry -- and our fingers are crossed that you're the Erin and not the Fiddy in this scenario.
Maybe you need to try a little harder. Time to deploy that come-hither look that used to bring all the boys to the yard way back when.
Reality: Yeah, no. You need to stop that immediately.
On a whim, your date suggests you guys go dancing.
Expectation: You've got this. You love dancing -- and you look effortlessly cool as always.
Reality: Eh, not so much.
You're utterly spent. You dial it back and suggest getting some coffee. You're about to fall asleep and it's only 10 p.m.
Expectation: The barista adds little steamed milk hearts to you and your dates' lattes so clearly, it must be love.
Reality: It's too late for coffee to save you. Look at you, you fell asleep in the Uber.
The end of the date.
Expectation: You walk up to your door and make out on the doorstep because the chemistry is like woah.
Reality: You awkwardly hug for two unbearable seconds and even that is too long. Kill. Me. Now.
Dating: never again.